- students could be better served if the school year was longer by one week, but included in regular time would be a fall break and a few more select days off.
- teachers could give students deadlines not as absolute entry points, but rather as suggestions for time to have work completed by.
- all classes should either be attendence or non-attendence based, but not one or the other.
- Assignments could be due all at once-the week before finals-so teachers could have the rest of the semester to grade them.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Busyness
One of the most frustrating segments of the college lifestyle is the one or two weeks per semester when all big papers from each class accumulate and get dropped on you at once. I mean come on people, there is nothing real world about that. You don't really have down time, then "heart attack time". Its very brutal to deal with. I am sitting here, blogging obviously, and I have so much shit to do this week that it makes me feel physically ill thinking about it. Here's what should happen:
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Worst Excuse Ever
Wow, this is one for the history books...
My roommate recently was in bed with a young coed here at a certain University in Bloomington. So apparently the action was heating up, and as he was heading for home he stopped downstairs for a prophylactic while she remained upstairs. Once things ensued, she claimed that his pre-ejaculate was exiting out "of the side of his penis", rather "than the tip". He assured her that this was not possible, for the male anatomy doesn't work this way. She was so weirded out by the whole scene that she put her clothes on and walking out the door.
Its funny how easy we forget the high comedy of the infamous video we were forced to watch around 4th or 5th grade. I'm sure I don't speak for myself in saying that in humor for age, that is still the funniest thing that I have ever seen I have ever seen in my life. I vaugely remember how serious the instructors were in saying that if we laughed we were to be kicked out and suspended. I vaguely remember sitting in the vacant art class where the girls sat separte in the music room next to us. Those things might have been a bit unclear, but I will never forget the sight of forty or so fourth-graders sitting around a room holding in the most helacious laughter they have ever felt in their lifetime. I will also never, ever forget the images on the screen and how hilarious the Scientific process of the human body was. I mean, could you imagine being ten and hearing mysterious lore about the suposed "puhgina", then having it all materialize infront of your face with you and your childhood buddies. Pre-tay, pre-tay, pre-tay HILARIOUS. Oh to be ten again.
But going back to the point, I can't believe sed coed forgot the FREAKING VIDEO!!! I mean it was like the first time you watch Schinder's List, but in a less tragic way. There are certain checkpoints along the road of life that you will always remember. Your memories always end up looking like the drive-by horizon of rolling hills: some bigger than others, but still gone too fast, and each one lingering on to the next.
I mean my life can be summed up by these:
(Imagine in Power Point)
ps: Come On! The side of his shlaung!!! This girl must really have wanted to go home, because no one in their right minds can actually believe that. Get out of here!!! That is the most George Costanza excuse ever laced on the planet.
My roommate recently was in bed with a young coed here at a certain University in Bloomington. So apparently the action was heating up, and as he was heading for home he stopped downstairs for a prophylactic while she remained upstairs. Once things ensued, she claimed that his pre-ejaculate was exiting out "of the side of his penis", rather "than the tip". He assured her that this was not possible, for the male anatomy doesn't work this way. She was so weirded out by the whole scene that she put her clothes on and walking out the door.
Its funny how easy we forget the high comedy of the infamous video we were forced to watch around 4th or 5th grade. I'm sure I don't speak for myself in saying that in humor for age, that is still the funniest thing that I have ever seen I have ever seen in my life. I vaugely remember how serious the instructors were in saying that if we laughed we were to be kicked out and suspended. I vaguely remember sitting in the vacant art class where the girls sat separte in the music room next to us. Those things might have been a bit unclear, but I will never forget the sight of forty or so fourth-graders sitting around a room holding in the most helacious laughter they have ever felt in their lifetime. I will also never, ever forget the images on the screen and how hilarious the Scientific process of the human body was. I mean, could you imagine being ten and hearing mysterious lore about the suposed "puhgina", then having it all materialize infront of your face with you and your childhood buddies. Pre-tay, pre-tay, pre-tay HILARIOUS. Oh to be ten again.
But going back to the point, I can't believe sed coed forgot the FREAKING VIDEO!!! I mean it was like the first time you watch Schinder's List, but in a less tragic way. There are certain checkpoints along the road of life that you will always remember. Your memories always end up looking like the drive-by horizon of rolling hills: some bigger than others, but still gone too fast, and each one lingering on to the next.
I mean my life can be summed up by these:
(Imagine in Power Point)
- First Nintendo (Totally Sweet!)
- Parents Divorce
- SEXUAL EDUCATION
- Mom Remarries
- First Kiss
- First Drink
- Senior Spring Break
- First Day of College
- (Sorry, drew a blank from there...)
ps: Come On! The side of his shlaung!!! This girl must really have wanted to go home, because no one in their right minds can actually believe that. Get out of here!!! That is the most George Costanza excuse ever laced on the planet.
Sometimes Comedy Has a Downside
Imagine the most horrible thing in the world to be? Can you think of it? For me, short of being poor and a mexican-american, I would have to say that the worst person to be in the world would have to be the illegitimate child of a infamous professional athelete impregnator.
After reading tons of blogs and laughing hysterically when I see espn.com release a story about one of these guys having to pay child support in another city in upstate New York, Gary, Ind. or Florida, I can't help but feel sorry for the kids that are the brunt of this cyber-aggression. You see, illegit children are 95% of the time starting off in a bad homelife and 99% begining life with no positive male role models (1% case being in instances like from Chappelle's Show, when BuckNasty at the Player Haters Ball is said to have "tricked the husband into raising the mothafucka").
It's hard for me to make light of all of this, but you can't ignore that some of the jokes out there are pretty good. To hear that Denver Bronco's running back Travis Henry has fathered 9 different children in 9 different cities makes me feel like he is almost trying to go out and field a baseball team (If he could just get back to Topeka--surely he's got the stuff to push out a couple of twin hurlers for some much needed bullpen relief). Forget about the athletes, the kids are being objectified as mere one night stands by rich black men and skanky females looking for their cut. Fucking groupies, man.
Could you imagine one of these guys kids logging onto kissingsuzy and reading about himself via blog comment? Could you imagine Shawn Kemp reading? Oh, the HUMANITY, man!!! Jesus, the first time one of those kids understands one of sed jokes, it will crush them. Sad, sad stuff. But its just the nature of the beast. It becomes funnier and funnier every time something like that happens because you just know that in anywhere from six months to three years you are going to hear the likes of Chris Weber and Jose Canseco(Trust Me) having to pay another installment of child support to another kid.
Epilogue: I have always said one of Shawn Kemp's spawns would make it into college basketball. We are still probably a few years down the way, but if Anthony Mason's one-handed free throw shootin', domepiece nickname shavin' ass can begat someone as good as his son is at St. John's, Kemp should at least have the entire Dick Vitale preseason second-team diaper-dandies at this point. I mean come on, Bro--Your shits weak!!!
After reading tons of blogs and laughing hysterically when I see espn.com release a story about one of these guys having to pay child support in another city in upstate New York, Gary, Ind. or Florida, I can't help but feel sorry for the kids that are the brunt of this cyber-aggression. You see, illegit children are 95% of the time starting off in a bad homelife and 99% begining life with no positive male role models (1% case being in instances like from Chappelle's Show, when BuckNasty at the Player Haters Ball is said to have "tricked the husband into raising the mothafucka").
It's hard for me to make light of all of this, but you can't ignore that some of the jokes out there are pretty good. To hear that Denver Bronco's running back Travis Henry has fathered 9 different children in 9 different cities makes me feel like he is almost trying to go out and field a baseball team (If he could just get back to Topeka--surely he's got the stuff to push out a couple of twin hurlers for some much needed bullpen relief). Forget about the athletes, the kids are being objectified as mere one night stands by rich black men and skanky females looking for their cut. Fucking groupies, man.
Could you imagine one of these guys kids logging onto kissingsuzy and reading about himself via blog comment? Could you imagine Shawn Kemp reading? Oh, the HUMANITY, man!!! Jesus, the first time one of those kids understands one of sed jokes, it will crush them. Sad, sad stuff. But its just the nature of the beast. It becomes funnier and funnier every time something like that happens because you just know that in anywhere from six months to three years you are going to hear the likes of Chris Weber and Jose Canseco(Trust Me) having to pay another installment of child support to another kid.
Epilogue: I have always said one of Shawn Kemp's spawns would make it into college basketball. We are still probably a few years down the way, but if Anthony Mason's one-handed free throw shootin', domepiece nickname shavin' ass can begat someone as good as his son is at St. John's, Kemp should at least have the entire Dick Vitale preseason second-team diaper-dandies at this point. I mean come on, Bro--Your shits weak!!!
Monday, October 29, 2007
The Tao of Steve Miller
Many people nowadays list the embodiment of who they are through specific songs they connect with. I think that for me, the complexity of two different Steve Miller Band songs define my simplistic exterior while describing my deep and complex interior.
Outer(The Joker):
I'm a picker,
I'm a grinner,
I'm a lover,
and I'm a sinner,
I get my lovin' on the run.
I'm a joker,
I'm a smoker,
I'm a midnight toquer.
I sure dont want to hurt no one.
Inner(Jungle Love):
The question that everyone's asking,
Usually comes from within,
But the birds and the rain and the truth they contain,
I've written my life on your skin.
Thank you, Steve Miller. For you know not the impact of your words, yet they still sound so profound- and rockin'.
Outer(The Joker):
I'm a picker,
I'm a grinner,
I'm a lover,
and I'm a sinner,
I get my lovin' on the run.
I'm a joker,
I'm a smoker,
I'm a midnight toquer.
I sure dont want to hurt no one.
Inner(Jungle Love):
The question that everyone's asking,
Usually comes from within,
But the birds and the rain and the truth they contain,
I've written my life on your skin.
Thank you, Steve Miller. For you know not the impact of your words, yet they still sound so profound- and rockin'.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Jay Crawford, You Piece of Shit
I am a diehard Indianapolis Colts fan who will treat this sunday's game against the New England Patriots as my Easter. The only thing I praise on Sundays, sadly, is the NFL. In that case, you can call the six days leading up to the big game Sunday my lent. One of my biggest pet peeves and guilty pleasures (wait-does that mean I hate myself?) is midweek football analysis. In my down time, I have no problem turning on day time ESPN and listening to the pundits claim talk about anything and everything. And I love to hate it, because although I can't get enough of people talking about what I'm thinking about, I hate to hear previews. I am a product of the world I live in, and I need action, not non-action (duh, sorry).
As a sports fan, I am pulling myself away from sports television until Sunday at 4:15, when the game starts. I'm giving up ESPN this week for my lent, and I think I'm going to do it. I'm still going to watch the Office, Weeds, Californication and It's Always Sunny, but I'm tuning out ESPN. I'm tuning out the debates on which quarterback is better (Manning, obviously. Have you seen some of the throws he makes? His combination of velocity and accuracy makes Tom Brady look like he's throwing a game of 500 in his back yard). I'm tuning out Skip Bayless and his opponents forced arguments for the sake of filling up minutes. I'm tuning out who Sean Salisbury thinks has better zone coverage (Cover 2, baby). I'm even turning out Mike Fucking Ditka, his mustache and his referrals to the '85 bears (Fuck you, fuck Brian Piccalo).
I'm not retracting my fandom, I'm just protesting the garbage. I'm the chinaman holding the white flag in Tiennamen Square, and Pregame Banter is my fucking tank. I'm going to stand up and fight the power, even if it kills me.
As a sports fan, I am pulling myself away from sports television until Sunday at 4:15, when the game starts. I'm giving up ESPN this week for my lent, and I think I'm going to do it. I'm still going to watch the Office, Weeds, Californication and It's Always Sunny, but I'm tuning out ESPN. I'm tuning out the debates on which quarterback is better (Manning, obviously. Have you seen some of the throws he makes? His combination of velocity and accuracy makes Tom Brady look like he's throwing a game of 500 in his back yard). I'm tuning out Skip Bayless and his opponents forced arguments for the sake of filling up minutes. I'm tuning out who Sean Salisbury thinks has better zone coverage (Cover 2, baby). I'm even turning out Mike Fucking Ditka, his mustache and his referrals to the '85 bears (Fuck you, fuck Brian Piccalo).
I'm not retracting my fandom, I'm just protesting the garbage. I'm the chinaman holding the white flag in Tiennamen Square, and Pregame Banter is my fucking tank. I'm going to stand up and fight the power, even if it kills me.
What is going on...Up Here?
How the hell are you?
Comfortable?
Wonderful.
Welcome to a little slice of the John Benjamin. I believe in myself, my family and my friends. I live my life in AP Style- riddled with too many commas, filled with errors. I am a student at Indiana University where I write for the Indiana Daily Student. Among my duties at the Newspaper, I write stories for the Health/Science/Business Section, cover the wrestling team and write a weekly prospectus for Fantasy Football (My Passion). I work at Bloomington's finest restaurant, delivering pizzas and bussing tables. I am 22, years old, and hopelessly hopeful that I can earn a living and support a family.
A few other things I believe in:
I believe...
...in living a life with a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde template. I work harder than anyone you meet. I relax harder than anyone you meet.
...that maintaining happiness is the most imporant thing in life.
...in fundamental basketball and good running form. The backboard is a mans best friend and unless you appropriately stretch out your calves, injury is inevitable.
...that sports commentators have the sweetest deal of anyone on the planet.
...See Crash Davis's speech to Annie Savoy in Bull Durham.
...that a football team is best built through drafting hard working players and hiring a quality coach who will maximize their talents.
...I have the best fantasy football team anyone has ever seen.
...the diminishing white athlete is a product of a inferior mental strength. Nothing physical.
...the late Kurt Vonnegut is the greatest author of the 20th century.
...collegiate basketball is the greatest sport because of the unmatched passion shared by both players and fans. It is far superior than college football for two reasons: First, collegiate football is driven by money, and second, no form of competition should be left decided by people who aren't competing. Voting in athletics is bogus.
...education is better learned in a the world, not through powerpoint.
...Arizona Cardinal running back Edgerrin James is the most intriguing personality in all of sports.
..the Rolling Stones are the greatest band of all-time.
...humanity will conquer it's shortcomings, because good always prevails.
...I can change the world one blog at a time.
Comfortable?
Wonderful.
Welcome to a little slice of the John Benjamin. I believe in myself, my family and my friends. I live my life in AP Style- riddled with too many commas, filled with errors. I am a student at Indiana University where I write for the Indiana Daily Student. Among my duties at the Newspaper, I write stories for the Health/Science/Business Section, cover the wrestling team and write a weekly prospectus for Fantasy Football (My Passion). I work at Bloomington's finest restaurant, delivering pizzas and bussing tables. I am 22, years old, and hopelessly hopeful that I can earn a living and support a family.
A few other things I believe in:
I believe...
...in living a life with a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde template. I work harder than anyone you meet. I relax harder than anyone you meet.
...that maintaining happiness is the most imporant thing in life.
...in fundamental basketball and good running form. The backboard is a mans best friend and unless you appropriately stretch out your calves, injury is inevitable.
...that sports commentators have the sweetest deal of anyone on the planet.
...See Crash Davis's speech to Annie Savoy in Bull Durham.
...that a football team is best built through drafting hard working players and hiring a quality coach who will maximize their talents.
...I have the best fantasy football team anyone has ever seen.
...the diminishing white athlete is a product of a inferior mental strength. Nothing physical.
...the late Kurt Vonnegut is the greatest author of the 20th century.
...collegiate basketball is the greatest sport because of the unmatched passion shared by both players and fans. It is far superior than college football for two reasons: First, collegiate football is driven by money, and second, no form of competition should be left decided by people who aren't competing. Voting in athletics is bogus.
...education is better learned in a the world, not through powerpoint.
...Arizona Cardinal running back Edgerrin James is the most intriguing personality in all of sports.
..the Rolling Stones are the greatest band of all-time.
...humanity will conquer it's shortcomings, because good always prevails.
...I can change the world one blog at a time.
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