- students could be better served if the school year was longer by one week, but included in regular time would be a fall break and a few more select days off.
- teachers could give students deadlines not as absolute entry points, but rather as suggestions for time to have work completed by.
- all classes should either be attendence or non-attendence based, but not one or the other.
- Assignments could be due all at once-the week before finals-so teachers could have the rest of the semester to grade them.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Busyness
One of the most frustrating segments of the college lifestyle is the one or two weeks per semester when all big papers from each class accumulate and get dropped on you at once. I mean come on people, there is nothing real world about that. You don't really have down time, then "heart attack time". Its very brutal to deal with. I am sitting here, blogging obviously, and I have so much shit to do this week that it makes me feel physically ill thinking about it. Here's what should happen:
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Worst Excuse Ever
Wow, this is one for the history books...
My roommate recently was in bed with a young coed here at a certain University in Bloomington. So apparently the action was heating up, and as he was heading for home he stopped downstairs for a prophylactic while she remained upstairs. Once things ensued, she claimed that his pre-ejaculate was exiting out "of the side of his penis", rather "than the tip". He assured her that this was not possible, for the male anatomy doesn't work this way. She was so weirded out by the whole scene that she put her clothes on and walking out the door.
Its funny how easy we forget the high comedy of the infamous video we were forced to watch around 4th or 5th grade. I'm sure I don't speak for myself in saying that in humor for age, that is still the funniest thing that I have ever seen I have ever seen in my life. I vaugely remember how serious the instructors were in saying that if we laughed we were to be kicked out and suspended. I vaguely remember sitting in the vacant art class where the girls sat separte in the music room next to us. Those things might have been a bit unclear, but I will never forget the sight of forty or so fourth-graders sitting around a room holding in the most helacious laughter they have ever felt in their lifetime. I will also never, ever forget the images on the screen and how hilarious the Scientific process of the human body was. I mean, could you imagine being ten and hearing mysterious lore about the suposed "puhgina", then having it all materialize infront of your face with you and your childhood buddies. Pre-tay, pre-tay, pre-tay HILARIOUS. Oh to be ten again.
But going back to the point, I can't believe sed coed forgot the FREAKING VIDEO!!! I mean it was like the first time you watch Schinder's List, but in a less tragic way. There are certain checkpoints along the road of life that you will always remember. Your memories always end up looking like the drive-by horizon of rolling hills: some bigger than others, but still gone too fast, and each one lingering on to the next.
I mean my life can be summed up by these:
(Imagine in Power Point)
ps: Come On! The side of his shlaung!!! This girl must really have wanted to go home, because no one in their right minds can actually believe that. Get out of here!!! That is the most George Costanza excuse ever laced on the planet.
My roommate recently was in bed with a young coed here at a certain University in Bloomington. So apparently the action was heating up, and as he was heading for home he stopped downstairs for a prophylactic while she remained upstairs. Once things ensued, she claimed that his pre-ejaculate was exiting out "of the side of his penis", rather "than the tip". He assured her that this was not possible, for the male anatomy doesn't work this way. She was so weirded out by the whole scene that she put her clothes on and walking out the door.
Its funny how easy we forget the high comedy of the infamous video we were forced to watch around 4th or 5th grade. I'm sure I don't speak for myself in saying that in humor for age, that is still the funniest thing that I have ever seen I have ever seen in my life. I vaugely remember how serious the instructors were in saying that if we laughed we were to be kicked out and suspended. I vaguely remember sitting in the vacant art class where the girls sat separte in the music room next to us. Those things might have been a bit unclear, but I will never forget the sight of forty or so fourth-graders sitting around a room holding in the most helacious laughter they have ever felt in their lifetime. I will also never, ever forget the images on the screen and how hilarious the Scientific process of the human body was. I mean, could you imagine being ten and hearing mysterious lore about the suposed "puhgina", then having it all materialize infront of your face with you and your childhood buddies. Pre-tay, pre-tay, pre-tay HILARIOUS. Oh to be ten again.
But going back to the point, I can't believe sed coed forgot the FREAKING VIDEO!!! I mean it was like the first time you watch Schinder's List, but in a less tragic way. There are certain checkpoints along the road of life that you will always remember. Your memories always end up looking like the drive-by horizon of rolling hills: some bigger than others, but still gone too fast, and each one lingering on to the next.
I mean my life can be summed up by these:
(Imagine in Power Point)
- First Nintendo (Totally Sweet!)
- Parents Divorce
- SEXUAL EDUCATION
- Mom Remarries
- First Kiss
- First Drink
- Senior Spring Break
- First Day of College
- (Sorry, drew a blank from there...)
ps: Come On! The side of his shlaung!!! This girl must really have wanted to go home, because no one in their right minds can actually believe that. Get out of here!!! That is the most George Costanza excuse ever laced on the planet.
Sometimes Comedy Has a Downside
Imagine the most horrible thing in the world to be? Can you think of it? For me, short of being poor and a mexican-american, I would have to say that the worst person to be in the world would have to be the illegitimate child of a infamous professional athelete impregnator.
After reading tons of blogs and laughing hysterically when I see espn.com release a story about one of these guys having to pay child support in another city in upstate New York, Gary, Ind. or Florida, I can't help but feel sorry for the kids that are the brunt of this cyber-aggression. You see, illegit children are 95% of the time starting off in a bad homelife and 99% begining life with no positive male role models (1% case being in instances like from Chappelle's Show, when BuckNasty at the Player Haters Ball is said to have "tricked the husband into raising the mothafucka").
It's hard for me to make light of all of this, but you can't ignore that some of the jokes out there are pretty good. To hear that Denver Bronco's running back Travis Henry has fathered 9 different children in 9 different cities makes me feel like he is almost trying to go out and field a baseball team (If he could just get back to Topeka--surely he's got the stuff to push out a couple of twin hurlers for some much needed bullpen relief). Forget about the athletes, the kids are being objectified as mere one night stands by rich black men and skanky females looking for their cut. Fucking groupies, man.
Could you imagine one of these guys kids logging onto kissingsuzy and reading about himself via blog comment? Could you imagine Shawn Kemp reading? Oh, the HUMANITY, man!!! Jesus, the first time one of those kids understands one of sed jokes, it will crush them. Sad, sad stuff. But its just the nature of the beast. It becomes funnier and funnier every time something like that happens because you just know that in anywhere from six months to three years you are going to hear the likes of Chris Weber and Jose Canseco(Trust Me) having to pay another installment of child support to another kid.
Epilogue: I have always said one of Shawn Kemp's spawns would make it into college basketball. We are still probably a few years down the way, but if Anthony Mason's one-handed free throw shootin', domepiece nickname shavin' ass can begat someone as good as his son is at St. John's, Kemp should at least have the entire Dick Vitale preseason second-team diaper-dandies at this point. I mean come on, Bro--Your shits weak!!!
After reading tons of blogs and laughing hysterically when I see espn.com release a story about one of these guys having to pay child support in another city in upstate New York, Gary, Ind. or Florida, I can't help but feel sorry for the kids that are the brunt of this cyber-aggression. You see, illegit children are 95% of the time starting off in a bad homelife and 99% begining life with no positive male role models (1% case being in instances like from Chappelle's Show, when BuckNasty at the Player Haters Ball is said to have "tricked the husband into raising the mothafucka").
It's hard for me to make light of all of this, but you can't ignore that some of the jokes out there are pretty good. To hear that Denver Bronco's running back Travis Henry has fathered 9 different children in 9 different cities makes me feel like he is almost trying to go out and field a baseball team (If he could just get back to Topeka--surely he's got the stuff to push out a couple of twin hurlers for some much needed bullpen relief). Forget about the athletes, the kids are being objectified as mere one night stands by rich black men and skanky females looking for their cut. Fucking groupies, man.
Could you imagine one of these guys kids logging onto kissingsuzy and reading about himself via blog comment? Could you imagine Shawn Kemp reading? Oh, the HUMANITY, man!!! Jesus, the first time one of those kids understands one of sed jokes, it will crush them. Sad, sad stuff. But its just the nature of the beast. It becomes funnier and funnier every time something like that happens because you just know that in anywhere from six months to three years you are going to hear the likes of Chris Weber and Jose Canseco(Trust Me) having to pay another installment of child support to another kid.
Epilogue: I have always said one of Shawn Kemp's spawns would make it into college basketball. We are still probably a few years down the way, but if Anthony Mason's one-handed free throw shootin', domepiece nickname shavin' ass can begat someone as good as his son is at St. John's, Kemp should at least have the entire Dick Vitale preseason second-team diaper-dandies at this point. I mean come on, Bro--Your shits weak!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
